Friday, 12 September 2008

Doggone It, People Like Me

So the other evening I was flipping through some channels and came upon something that struck me as really odd. Now I realize that I have been away from the intelligence that is cable television for a few years but still, I was pretty sure that what I was witnessing was not right, even for a reality program. I think the show was called “America’s Next Star” or something (I dunno, I refuse to Google it). And there, standing all alone on this stage in front of a live audience, and - through the miracle of satellite - hundreds of Palin-supporters at home, was this little four year old girl with a microphone in her hand having recently finished singing or dancing or licking ice cream or something. And there she was. All by herself. Taking criticism from a panel of judges! I nearly fell out of bed (luckily the toys piled next to it propped me up). The first judge even spewed out some drivel about the girl being a Princess but not quite ready to be a Queen - to which I thought “what four year old girl wants to be a Queen anyway, they’re old and evil. Princesses is where it’s at”. But the girl just stood there listening to how although she had “won over America”, she didn’t quite have the chops to continue on in this illustrious program. Not a tear was shed. She just starred at the judges with these big eyes, nodding as if to say “yup, I’m not good enough… I shoulda tried harder” (somewhere, off camera, a parent was mouthing “suck it up girlie girl”). The second judge was Ozzy’s wife so she can be forgiven what with her fine pedigree and cool accent and all. But, when they showed the presenter to be Jerry Springer and the last judge to be that has-been Night Rider guy whose last starring role was on Youtube playing a shirtless, hamburger eating drunkard… BAM, it hit me. The whole thing was a prank. Ha! Those kooky SNL guys crack me up every time!!!

Four year olds! What a talented/ potty-trained/ stoic lot they are, eh! Today is the last day of Fergus’ stint at being a four year old. Phew! He can go back to head-butting walls, smashing up toys and peeing on the driveway without someone judging his every performance.


Pittsburgh Midwife said...

many happy returns of the day Fergus!

Rachel said...

Ha! Well, that might have been SNL, but I do think that happens for real on "American Idol," which I have not actually watched, but Gillian and I discussed at length anyway. I'm sure that was the parody, but I'm not sure it's far from the truth of what happens on the show.

And also, just wanted to ask if you have some hard data to back you up on your conclusion that four year olds as a general lot are potty trained. I'd rest a bit easier if I knew this to be true, that perhaps by the last day of Otto's fourth year, I can utter that sentence myself. But at the moment, about one quarter into his year of being four, he has basically promised me he will be in diapers until he is a grown-up. Hmmmm.... That was my reply anyway.

mesmith said...

Rachel - just to be clear, that was not SNL. It was a real program and turns out its was called "America's Next Talent" and I suppose it is some sort of poor-man's American Idol and sucks equally.

And just to be totally unclear, I don't know where the "potty-trained" thing came from - some sort of stream of consciousness writing in reference to the demands of them conventional parents.

Rachel said...

Oh, another case where I've missed the joke entirely! Oops. ;)